I am a single woman, looking for love… Well, that was my line some years ago. As I meander through life and allow myself to feel, experience and meditate, I have understood what love is and learnt to recognize it, and it really has nothing to do with being single or being coupled, whether in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. It really is a state of being that can be arrived at alone or together. Since I am already where I am and may one day be interested in a partnership with another as well, what my line really ought to be is — I am a woman, looking for a man who understands love the way I do and wants to walk alongside me as we continue our exploration of this beautiful journey… And of course it wouldn’t hurt if he is this, that and the other too ;).Setting aside what I am looking for or even whether I am looking for anything at all (which I shall elaborate on in another post), let me explain my formula for Love, which I’ve developed based on life experiences and relationships that have touched me in some way. I am hoping this will be useful for the folks out there that are stumped by love in one way or another in that they either want to find love, want to understand it or are faced with quandaries about what love and partnership means to them, about whether they are in love at all, whether they are out of love and if so, how to find their way back and questions of that nature. I present 8Cs, 8 building blocks that eventually lead to Love, or 8 gates that need to be crossed on the path to Love.It all starts with knowing yourself first. Self-Awareness or Consciousness
is really the precursor to success in anything in life. Leading a conscious life, with awareness over a period of Time leads to the ability to trust oneself or self-Confidence
. A truly confident person is most likely an honest person. This in and of itself is good enough, but there is something to be said for synergy, sometimes one plus one could add up to three. So let’s add another person into the mix. The only way a synergy between two can be achieved is if there is a pathway between the two. Communication
is the way one builds that pathway in this equation. Confidence in oneself coupled with honest Communication with the other over a period of time leads to trust or confidence in the other.
This practicing of trust over time (Consistency), results in a strong and established pathway or a very definite Connection between the two people. Now connection is the pragmatic part of a friendship or relationship and is a must to be able to function. But sometimes, connection alone may not be sufficient. There’s got to be some play in it. Connection is real and belongs to the realm of what IS. But in order to take what IS to what COULD BE, one needs a dose of imagination or spirit so that Connection can turn into Chemistry! This is the space where fun is had, whether lightness of spirit is expressed and where the world of possibilities begins to open up. When this Chemistry is founded on the building blocks of Consciousness, Confidence, Communication, Consistency and Connection, it is the right kind of Chemistry, the kind that sustains. For many people it suffices to reach this stage and many equate this to Love.
But I’ve concluded that I need more than just Chemistry to sustain a relationship. So my formula doesn’t quite end at Chemistry. Like I mentioned earlier, Chemistry is all about entering the world of possibilities. Once I enter the world of possibility, how do I progress further in a constructive manner? How do I move the needle? How do I grow? This is where Creativity comes in. Creativity to me is the ability to consciously connect the dots, bridge gaps and come up with new solutions to problems. Creativity is a way of being. (See my posts on The Science behind Creativity, Creativity Quotient). So how wonderful would it be if I can be creative in combination with someone that I share a chemistry with, and how wonderful would it be if this can fall into a sustainable rhythm over time and hence result in productivity. And productivity over time leads to…you guessed it – Contribution! And it is in this contribution or service that I define my existence.
So if there is someone that can walk alongside me (and vice versa) on the path of (combined) Contribution, something outside of and larger than our individual selves, then what exists between that person and I would cement into or flow into something undying and eternal, called Love.